Understanding Primary Emotions and Their “Data”
Written by Dr. Ewa Adamek Vanagas
Primary? Huh?!
Primary emotions are the basic, instinctive feelings that we experience in response to specific events or situations. They are considered "primary" because they are automatic, universal across humans, and tied to survival mechanisms. These emotions are thought to be hardwired into our brains and are experienced quickly and directly.
But yes, there are other levels.
Secondary emotions are not automatic. They tend to come after we process and think about our primary emotions and can be more nuanced, complicated, or socially influenced. Examples include shame, pride, and jealousy.
Tertiary emotions are further combinations or reflections of these feelings. Examples include compassion, nostalgia, and ambivalence.
Pretty interesting, right? But let’s start with the basics.
Patients working with me will frequently hear me say (maybe ad nauseam) that their emotions are data. They contain crucial information towards gaining valuable insights into your needs and responses, leading to better self-awareness and more effective management of your emotional landscape. The good part? We are wired with a built-in compass. The tricky part? Many of us have never learned to use it. As with any activity, practice makes perfect - aka - practice helps you to gain confidence, build familiarity, and most importanly, create a belief that you are capable. I have witnessed, first hand, patients learning to use their emotional compass to make big and small, yet life altering decisions that have kept them stuck for years. Leaving a toxic relationship, making a career change, letting go of harmful habits, becoming assertive, choosing to forgive, and so much more.
Imagine you're in a social setting, and you say something that you later realize was inappropriate or embarrassing. You might initially feel the primary emotion of fear—fear of judgment, fear of being rejected, or fear of social consequences. This is an automatic, instinctual response to a perceived threat in the social environment.
Because of that fear, you then begin to evaluate the situation and think about how others might perceive you. You may start to feel shame—a secondary emotion—because you feel like you’ve violated social norms or that your behavior has made you look bad in front of others. Your fear of social rejection or negative judgment (rooted in a primary emotion) leads to the emotional experience of shame, which involves self-criticism and the belief that something is wrong with you as a person.
Now imagine living with that shame for years…
Understanding the data in your emotions can offer you freedom. You no longer need to beat yourself up for feeling shame if you understand that it's a secondary response triggered by your fear and thoughts about others' reactions. You can address the fear directly, recognizing that it doesn’t always reflect reality. And that’s just one example.
Remember - emotional depth is what makes us human. They all offer value, not just the pleasant ones. Let’s stop shoving them under the rug and start getting curious about what’s underneath. It may change your life.
You can begin by familiarizing yourself with the data carried in primary emotions below:
Joy
Description: Joy is a positive emotion that arises from experiences of pleasure, accomplishment, or connection.
Data Offered:
Satisfaction and Achievement: Indicates that our needs for success and fulfillment are being met.
Connection: Reflects healthy relationships and positive social interactions.
How to Use It:
Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge and savor moments of joy to reinforce positive experiences. For example, celebrate small victories in your daily life to build motivation.
Foster Relationships: Use joy as a signal to nurture and maintain positive relationships and seek out activities that enhance your sense of well-being.
Sadness
Description: Sadness is an emotion that often arises from loss, disappointment, or unmet expectations.
Data Offered:
Loss and Grieving: Signals that something important to us has been lost or that we are struggling with a change.
Reflection: Provides an opportunity for introspection and reassessment of what truly matters.
How to Use It:
Allow Yourself to Grieve: Give yourself permission to experience and express sadness to process emotions fully. For example, if you’ve lost a loved one, allow yourself time to mourn and reflect.
Seek Support: Use sadness as a cue to reach out for emotional support from friends, family, or a therapist.
Fear
Description: Fear is a reaction to perceived threats or danger, prompting a heightened state of alertness.
Data Offered:
Threat Detection: Alerts us to potential dangers or challenges that require immediate attention.
Preparation: Indicates a need to prepare for or avoid potential risks.
How to Use It:
Assess Risks: Evaluate whether the fear is rational or exaggerated and take appropriate actions to manage risks. For instance, if you fear public speaking, practice and preparation can help reduce anxiety.
Develop Coping Strategies: Use fear as a motivator to develop strategies to address or mitigate the threat, such as seeking training or support.
Anger
Description: Anger is a response to perceived injustice, frustration, or threat, often prompting a desire to confront or change the situation.
Data Offered:
Injustice or Frustration: Indicates that boundaries have been violated or that a situation is not aligning with personal values or expectations.
Call to Action: Serves as a signal to address and resolve conflicts or issues.
How to Use It:
Identify Underlying Issues: Reflect on the root causes of your anger to understand and address underlying issues. For example, if you’re angry about being overlooked at work, it may signal the need for a discussion with your supervisor about your role and contributions.
Channel Constructively: Use anger as a drive for constructive change, such as advocating for yourself or others in a respectful manner.
Disgust
Description: Disgust is a reaction to something perceived as offensive, harmful, or unappealing, often involving a desire to avoid or reject it.
Data Offered:
Avoidance of Harm: Indicates that something is perceived as potentially harmful or morally unacceptable.
Personal Values: Highlights values and standards related to hygiene, ethics, or preferences.
How to Use It:
Set Boundaries: Use disgust as a cue to set boundaries and avoid situations or interactions that violate your standards or cause discomfort.
Evaluate Preferences: Reflect on your values and preferences to make choices that align with your principles, such as avoiding environments or people that consistently cause you distress.
Surprise
Description: Surprise is an emotional reaction to something unexpected, either positive or negative. It’s a brief, automatic response that occurs when something deviates from our expectations, signaling that our attention should shift to something new or noteworthy.
Data Offered:
Unexpected Events: Indicates that something outside your prediction has occurred, requiring quick adaptation or attention.
Change in Focus: Reflects a need to reassess and evaluate a situation, person, or event in light of new information.
How to Use It:
Pause and Assess: Use surprise as an opportunity to pause and assess the situation. Take a moment to process what’s happening before reacting impulsively.
Adjust Expectations: Reflect on your assumptions or expectations and adjust them accordingly. Surprise often highlights areas where your mental model of the world could be updated.
Embrace Curiosity: Rather than feeling unsettled by unexpected events, try to view surprise as a chance to learn, explore, or grow. Curiosity in the face of surprise can turn uncertainty into a rewarding experience.
